He looked at me—really looked at me—and didn’t say anything for what felt like forever. The waves kept rolling in. My knee started to ache. I felt my face getting hot. My heart was racing so fast I thought I might pass out. I tried to read his expression, but it was blank, like he’d just been hit with a question in a language he didn’t speak.
Then he finally said, “I… I want to marry you. Just not right now.”
At first, my brain couldn’t process that. I just stayed there on one knee, still holding the ring, staring up at him like an idiot. The exact words echoed in my head like someone hit replay.
I want to marry you, just not right now.
What does that even mean?
I felt my heart drop, like someone had cut the string holding it up. He said he wasn’t ready for all the engagement stuff yet, that he wasn’t into the idea of being engaged right now, that he needed more time.
He didn’t explain it much beyond that. Just kept repeating that it wasn’t the right moment for him.
Not the right moment for him.
I swallowed hard, forced a smile, and stood up. Sand clung to my knee. I brushed it off like that was the only thing bothering me.
“Yeah, okay,” I said. “I get it.”
But truthfully, I didn’t get it. Not at all.
We had talked about marriage. He had told me he wanted to be with me forever. And here I was, putting my heart on the line, offering him the future we’d talked about, and I got a soft rejection. A “not yet” that felt a lot like “not really.”
Still, I told myself to be understanding. Maybe he just needed more time. I reminded myself that I’d waited a year to get my life together before proposing. Maybe he was just in his own version of that. Maybe he wasn’t in that place yet. Maybe it wasn’t that big of a deal.
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